February 11, 2020

Because I Love You

Because I love you.

I will tell you no. Yes, you read that right... the answer is {no} and I am fine with saying that to you - along with a host of other negatives that may result in discomfort. You see dear one, love, is not the permission of sin. It is not the acceptance of what is wrong, or the endorsement of confusion and chaotic behavior. Regardless if you choose to heed the {no} or not - I intend to be here to tell you the truth ~ the absolute truth that is only found in the Word of God.

Because I love you.

My darling, I will remind you that you are not the Creator of Universe, nor the one in control of the ebb and flows of this world. You are not heliocentric, though we often feel and live as such.You are not a mass of evolutionary cells without hope or without purpose and you are not called to live without order. You are not a mistake, nor a failure and you most certainly are wanted. Always.

Heart, the hardest part is to bend your ear to the still small voice that is fighting against the noise and lies of the whisperer. You know who I am talking about... the one who says your not worth it, or that you will never be good enough, smart enough or ever be loved because you made bad choices or mistakes. That one... is a speaker of lies - that often whispers the loudest in the dead of night, when all is quiet and alone.

Because I love you.

I will tell you to stop feeding that which takes you farther away from Him, put up those fences - even if they cost you your hands. I will tell you that it is okay to run to the mountain, far away from all that entices you or twists the things in your head - twisted just enough to confuse but sound reasonable. I will tell you, that the breath you inhale and exhale are gifts from the One who breathes stars... even if you are not sure where you stand. He gives you life... with blood hope that you will say I do - for certain. For final. For Eternity.

Because I love you.

A reminder that you are not entitled... except that which is common to all men. That being the consequences of your actions, choices and how you respond. Yes, those things you are entitled to. Manners, they matter...  so do the commandments of God. I will tell you He isn't mocked, humility will get you farther than pride. Head knowledge is useless if not applied. The law of sowing and reaping isn't yours to dictate. I will also tell you that when your end comes, many get a moment where it all floods their mind... I urge you to make those waters sweet.

Because I love you.

I will tell you to play in the rain. To make mud pies, to go camping and explore, to travel and see how much room He gave you to play in. To love with all of you... even if it is scary. I will tell you to sing... and He could care a less if you can carry a tune or not. To give flowers and home made bread. To nourish your body and your mind with His Word. To jump. To laugh, hard. I would tell you, if your spirit ears would hear... you do not need to be perfect, just be willing to be perfected.

Because He loves you more.

December 18, 2019

I Have Not Forgotten You :: When Life Is Faster Than I

Good Day, my peeps - I have not forgotten you or my blogging aspirations. Life is most certainly happening faster than I. After spending a week planning for the year 2020, and finding my very meaningful word of the year - my life has gone by way of detour. Rather it feels like the last two months have been gearing up for a detour... but I hope in the promises of God and trust that He had a plan from the very beginning, including this season I am calling 'the detour.'

Friends we are moving. Again. Truly, I can't go here right now - to describe the mixed emotions that I have in this. I see opportunity on one hand and so much work on another. I see hope in my dream of owning land and the weight of discouragement in the still waiting...

So I am learning how to prep a house for selling, in this very odd housing market. In this location. Assisting my daughter as she preps for returning to college and transition my husband to relocate some four hours away. Along with finishing up the last little remodel projects that need to happen, I am working full time in a physically demanding job. Please do not take this a complaint, but rather as the climate around the season. In all this, I have not forgotten... the friends from all over the States, those whom reach out to just say 'I am praying for you.' The notes, messages and the gifts of financial blessing.

I have not forgotten.

In this, I am reminded how He provides, and protects His people. Reminded how precious life is, how seasons change, and how He gives you the strength to grow through each one of them. How it is more peaceful of mind to step back and just do the next thing, and watch Him as He works the steps out before you. If I am honest, this doesn't come easy for my personality. So many times I fight the flesh in me that wants to run, or to fight... to not get lost in my waiting. Waves of faith that come crashing, or those that subtly wash my soul to hear.

I have not forgotten.

September 14, 2019

What She doesn't Know :: These Teachable Moments

She said to me as we were leaving Shabbat, "I love it when you come - I learn things." I smiled small, and said "Thank God." Followed by a bunch of internal words that are known to tread down my heart. Things like you talk to much, and what do you know. But what she doesn't know, is that it is me who gleans hope and heart fuel from her. What she doesn't know is how much I long in my soul to be a sober, kind and faithful servant... especially when I am her age. Many times I find the passion - of my spark - being effected by the youth of my maturity and flesh, and I cringe.

Truth being told. I already have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. Especially when it comes to wrong ideas, things contrary to Scripture, and this undertone of wanting to debate when involved in a group setting... it seems to appear when two or more are gathered. Debates frustrate me to no end. Because. Well, quite honestly - I have been there, done that - and for the most part they profit nothing. Nothing of great value. What she doesn't know is that deep down I wanted to run out of the room and never look back. That there was a voice in my heart telling my head 'this is why you choose to leave' or at the very least remain silent.

It isn't because I don't love the word of God. I do, and I believe every word it says - plainly and within it's proper historical context. I don't agree with using extra biblical writings from questionable sources, and yes - I have studied many of them out. I don't find having debates about what this command means to me and why, very edifying. Often we over complicate the matter. I don't believe speaking modern Hebrew, makes one superior in knowledge.

I would rather hold the hand of someone who is dying, wipe the tears of the unloved and unwanted. Get my hands dirty by plucking green beans and lettuce for someone who doesn't have it and needs it. To sing at the top of my lungs, even if it is off key and out of tune - to praise my El for all the works He has done. To be a farmer of hope, a keeper of the small things and to be engaged in the hard.

however, what she doesn't know, as I watched her process the list of the unclean things and her countenance shrinking under her concern... that my heart hurt for her. When she said "I didn't know, will..." she paused and then I saw it in her eyes. In that moment - as I have been there - I said to her "you are only held accountable for what you know." Some how those words lifted a burden - and effected more than herself. Because what she doesn't know is that in that moment Abba taught me a couple things too. Spirit sealed quickly.

Things about my words, about the lifting of burdens, about how it is easy to hold brethren to a higher standard with less grace and less love. About the hard being the simple act of standing in the present. Yes, I was reminded that I still have much to learn, and that if I am willing to wait He will teach me what I didn't know.