March 30, 2017

Born Again :: a letter to My Redeemer

 O Beloved of my soul - My Redeemer,

It has been eleven years, since I have said yes to you... I remember that day, even now. So vivid and raw in my memory, in reality. Hearing your Words with every fiber of my being, and sitting there wondering 'How am I to trust this?”. I have wandered so far, and for so long... Can you really take this beaten down and busted, hard and hurting woman and create in her something resembling beautiful.

Something new.

Three times I heard you, and the third I accepted. Yes, I remember that day, even now. March – twenty sixth – two thousand and six. Six years married, twice before, sick in body and in soul... lost, rejected and in full adultery of mind and heart. Three times I heard you, and the third I said yes. You said to me “Come to Me, {all} you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” {Matthew 11:28}

You gave me promises, hope and a new heart, a purpose and an identity, you reminded me that “When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wings over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into covenant with you and you became Mine.” {Ezekiel 16:8}

In that moment, when I said 'I do', I became Yours.

Bought by the star breather... Yeshua {Jesus the Christ}

Before You washed my filthy garments, before You restored this chaotic inside life with Your law... before You taught me how to walk, stepping intentional. Before you trained my mouth, renewed my mind, and educated me in idol destruction. Yes - in that moment, a circumcised heart, blood redeemed.

Over the years, You have shown me time and time again, that You can be trusted. Yes, Faithful and Everlasting...when we moved fifteen hundred miles from the land of my fathers... and knew no one. When it was time for me to return to the home, to learn how to be a mother. How to teach my child... yes, You were right there.

When our daughter broke her hip. Through each surgery... three in all. When the car broke down, and we could not afford a transmission, not one more bill. We were strapped and buried. You were there...

When the Valley of Darkness threatened our family, and You restored it. When the vision of serving in Israel, was planted... You provided. When we faced {and lived through} six months of unemployment, three seasons of relocation and family displacement. You were there... in the granting of my husbands job - returned, providing a hovel nest. You have been there, Present.

In the big and in the small.

You have been there for every tear stained pillow night, for every hour that I have agreed with the weighted blows of doubt. Every time I have entertained the lies of whispering in my ear, or failed to exercise self control. For every fear based action of my heart, every mental argument of justification for a flesh reason. Every season of regret, guilt of the years wasted or mistakes made, for every battle against the strongholds. Those that were won and those that were lost... this time around.

You have been there... willing to wash me clean, again.

You are Sovereign. You are Truth. I will continue to cling to the promise, that You, who started this work in me... will finish it. I will choose to love you, to serve you, and to walk in your ways... for you are a God of the living.

For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before {my} God in the land of the living. ~ Psalm 56:13 ~

~ Love, Born Again!

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