July 23, 2018

About Father's : a journal entry

Initially - I was not going to share this chapter of my story with the world. Because honestly, I am not always comfortable sharing things so close to the inner me. But - I also cannot deny the places where my Heavenly Father has worked mighty in my life. This was written near Father's Day of this year:

It was the summer of  2015, when I saw my father for the first time in 20 years. I was up visiting mama and my in-law family. I was also up to attend my great uncles funeral service.

Mama was going to be late, and I was - early. So after finding a parking place, I walked up to the only person I recognized. My uncle. To which He said "Hi Andi" and I replied.

Following our greeting, a man stepped forward, complete with leathers, and a fu manchu. He says... very softly and shaken "then you must be mine." I looked up, slightly startled into the eyes of my father. He is six two - easy.

I honestly can not recall the exact words we spoke, but I remember the tears and the humble countenance... and a whole lot of Yah powered forgiveness. I remember my daughter's eyes going back and forth from him to me, and  I remember thinking - this is a legacy moment.

We walked up to the funeral site together, Mama had finally arrived, and stood opposite of me. Just as the preacher started his words Mama yells out... and straight to his face she flew... I braced myself.

Because I know Mama... 

Then Forgiveness Happened. Again

She kept telling him I am sorry, and he kept looking at her and saying things I couldn't make out. The whole family was watching, the preacher too. I found myself thinking again... this is a legacy moment.
We finished the service, with my dad, my mama, my daughter and myself... all in a line.

At the after service meal, he was sitting all alone... sipping a beer and observing. I heard a still, small voice... "Honor your father and your mother". I waited... it came again. "Honor your father and your mother." So I stood up and walked over to my father, then asked him if he would like me to fix him a plate. He looks back at me, with a look I have yet to describe accurately... and says yes, he could eat.

I asked "what would you like?" He said "anything that you give me, I will eat." I then made him a huge plate and sat down and ate lunch with him. Between his tears and food swallows, our eyes would meet and speak. I felt compassion, peace... and love, for a man who obviously knows he fell short, he missed the mark. Just how short... well, it is out of honor for him that I do not share the details.

However, the world tells me - I owe him nothing, family members tell me - I have a right to hold on to my hurt. That I don't need to extend my hand, because he has not earned it. But I tell you, from every moment since, that we have talk and visited together... there isn't a leaving that grief isn't a written on his face. He knows well, that he made mistakes and I am not about to rub his nose it. I will choose to do my best to honor him and show him love. 

Why? Because first: Redemption - it isn't a mere thing. It changes the game, the standards and the hearts of men. It is not a joke or permission to be free from the dirty stuff. Redemption IS messy.

Second: Who am I - to hold the healing of anothers heart in my hand, to withhold someone's peace of mind, or quite possibly effect true repentance before a Holy God. Lastly: we must remember that forgiveness doesn't mean one is a door mat - but rather a light - that forgiveness is not permission or acceptance of anothers sin. Rather,  forgiveness is a physical example of the glorification of my Saviour. 

And I to, need forgiveness.

Think not that I am free from the feelings of void, or emotional struggle... of negative thought patterns that need to be straighten by the Holy Spirit, the Word and the patient workings of the Lord.  I do. I am human. 

The effects of abandonment, of not having a daddy there to fight and defend me, to teach me how precious I am or to help me understand the importance of proper relationships. You know... who would or who would not have been a suitable match. All those things that father's are called to do by God.

But I completely believe and understand that Yah has worked all things for good... that every evil or harmful thing done to me or... by me : will be used for His name to come to glory in my life. Because the enemy of my soul, my life and of my Redemption will not receive the honor. Nor the victory. 

It is finished.

If I can be a tool, a feeling heart for Almighty Yah... to be used by my Yeshua. To bring love, forgiveness permission and a regret reliever... why would I not try. This too... is a legacy moment. I want to stand in the gap, to make every attempt to walk a different road... for me, and for generations after me. 

Should they choose it.

My daddy, a sinner man - with struggles unknown to me, struggles between his Maker and he. My daddy... if he calls, I will be there. If he cries... I will attempt to comfort him. If he has fears, I hope I am able to point him to the One who destroys them. Because honor your father and mother isn't about merit. 

Just like Redemption.

July 9, 2018

Dandelion Rose Salve & Highwinds Homestead/Studio

The shop is officially open, though I am still trying to work out the kinks and fine tune things. Learning along the way - of course. But through some intentional planning and purposeful use of my Power Sheets - yes, I can say the shop is open. Currently I have three listings available, two of them are for a limited time... meaning when the supplies run out, so does the salve - until next season.

The Latest / Dandelion Rose Salve :

This particular salve is made of : Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil/Sunflower oil infused with: Dandelion {Taraxacum officinale} - Rose {Rosa centifolia}, Local Beeswax, Vitamin E and Rose Geranium Essential oil. It is perfect for use on: chapped & dry hands, sore muscles, over all stiffness and minor scrapes.

I followed the same process as I shared HERE, changing the ingredients to fit my needs. The Rose & Rose Geranium really set this salve apart. The scent being very faint, but present and the blessings of Rose Geranium are not limited to but - include : soothing skin, being anti fungal, anti viral and anti inflammatory.

The salve making process is quickly learned and a skill I would encourage you to obtain. However, if you are interested in the salve, and have a desire to support small business - I would be happy to make you a tin, while supplies last.

Please Note: this post is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice. This sharing is not intended to replace medical advice offered by physicians or natural health providers. Please seek your personal provider for questions or concerns - and research information from reliable sources.

July 2, 2018

A Farmer of Faith? ~ Why Yes I Am

At least I would like to be... but first let's do a little defining. You see I believe words matter, as does their definitions. I also believe we have lost a lot of depth in our modern culture and not just with words and languages.

When I ask someone to define the word farmer, or to explain to me what the word faith means... the responses are all over the board. If we could take the time to look up the word, let's say... in the 1828 Dictionary, we often will find that there is more to the word that we should consider.

The word farmer for example is: "a tenant, a lessee; one who hires and cultivates a farm; a cultivator of leased ground. One who takes taxes, customs, excise or other duties, to collect for a certain rate per cent; as a farmer of the revenues. One who cultivates a farm; a husbandman, whether a tenant or the proprietor. In mining, the lord of the field, or one who farms the lot and cope of the king."

Another example, is the word faith. Faith is defined as: "to trust; to persuade, to draw towards any thing, to conciliate; to believe, to obey. Belief; the assent of the mind to the truth of what is declared by another, resting on his authority and veracity, without other evidence; the judgment that what another states or testifies is the truth. In theology, the assent of the mind or understanding to the truth of what God has revealed. Simple belief of the scriptures, of the being and perfections of God, and of the existence, character and doctrines of Christ, founded on the testimony of the sacred writers..."


Faith continued: "justifying, or saving faith is the assent of the mind to the truth of divine revelation, on the authority of God's testimony, accompanied with a cordial assent of the will or approbation of the heart; an entire confidence or trust in God's character and declarations, and in the character and doctrines of Christ, with an unreserved surrender of the will to his guidance, and dependence on his merits for salvation. In other words, that firm belief of God's testimony, and of the truth of the gospel, which influences the will, and leads to an entire reliance on Christ for salvation.

The faith of the gospel is that emotion of the mind, which is called trust or confidence, exercised towards the moral character of God, and particularly of the Savior. Faith is an affectionate practical confidence in the testimony of God. Faith is a firm, cordial belief in the veracity of God, in all the declarations of his word; or a full and affectionate confidence in the certainty of those things which God has declared, and because he has declared them." ~ 1828 Webster's Dictionary/in part

There was much more to the definition of faith, but I am sure you can see my meaning. So what does being a farmer of faith mean? To me : it is the hope, it is my active faith : in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob... being Redeemed of Jesus/Yeshua, to cultivate the land around me for my King.

To weed what needs weeding, to water the dry grounds and prepare the soil. To care for and assist, to be a light in the dark place. To hold on and never let go, to grow forgiveness, feed on truth and blossom in radical love. To create a safe haven in the physical and in the spiritual, to offer a garden of grace and foundation for the laws of God.

Yes, I want this in my life.
For me, and for those around me.

I know well - that farming is hard work and Redemption is messy. Or what it is like to thirst for the waters of living water, to choke on the meat of the Word and to swallow a camel while straining a gnat. I also know what it is like to receive earth shaking forgiveness, and to be washed white... so much so it tore the veil in half.

I would like to called a faith farmer, a collector of hope... an example of the work He has done and is doing... what about you? Will join me in being a farmer of faith?

 ~  being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; ~ Philippians 1:6